Know who you are
There is an adverse effect that we as humans suffer from based on traumatic and non-traumatic experiences that we “grow” through. Sometimes these things challenge are ability to stand firm and Know Who We Are! We lose our self, find our self and for many of us, we have never truly experience who we are as a person.
We have the capacity to love others, show compassion expand far as the eye can see, but what is directly in front of the mirror, only goes so far. The lack of love and the lack of knowing our strengths, our weakness, what we enjoy, what we don’t enjoy, what we will put up with, what we will not put with, and the list goes on can hinder us from truly knowing who we are as a person.
When you lack defining your values for what you stand for and not stand for will prevent you from growing and if nothing else you should always stand for yourself. I am a big pushover, and have a problem with agreeing to a yes when my yes was actually a no. I deal with the memories of and guilt of knowing that I have needed a favor or 2, or 3, or 4 or 5 and have also been a favor for others but somehow I have fallen into the trap of agreeing to do things based on my need to one day ask a favor, or that the person is a family member or close friend.
With my children I have often been more forgiving or tend to not let go of those that I probably should just base on the relationship we have. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always feel good to say no. What I have learned from Iyanla Vanzant is that you have to stand firm in who you are and that your no should be no and your yes should mean yes and you should feel good about both.
I have also learned that a good method to use is practice saying your no or if you don’t want to say no immediately, come up with your go to response that allows you the time to think through if you want to do this favor or not.
For example: let me get back to you on that I am not sure what I have going on right now or how soon do you need to know by.
Another good idea is to practice a method for urgent responses: That’s such a short notice let me get back to you.
Hopefully these help,
I am still a work in progress and I am getting better but part of defining who you are is knowing what you are willing and not willing to compromise on.
Ri Wyatt
The Daily Column