Know who you are by meaning your “No” and your “Yes”

Know who you are

 

There is an adverse effect that we as humans suffer from based on traumatic and non-traumatic experiences that we “grow” through. Sometimes these things challenge are ability to stand firm and Know Who We Are! We lose our self, find our self and for many of us, we have never truly experience who we are as a person.

We have the capacity to love others, show compassion expand far as the eye can see, but what is directly in front of the mirror, only goes so far. The lack of love and the lack of knowing our strengths, our weakness, what we enjoy, what we don’t enjoy, what we will put up with, what we will not put with, and the list goes on can hinder us from truly knowing who we are as a person.

When you lack defining your values for what you stand for and not stand for will prevent you from growing and if nothing else you should always stand for yourself. I am a big pushover, and have a problem with agreeing to a yes when my yes was actually a no. I deal with the memories of and guilt of knowing that I have needed a favor or 2, or 3, or 4 or 5 and have also been a favor for others but somehow I have fallen into the trap of agreeing to do things based on my need to one day ask a favor, or that the person is a family member or close friend.

With my children I have often been more forgiving or tend to not let go of those that I probably should just base on the relationship we have. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always feel good to say no. What I have learned from Iyanla Vanzant is that you have to stand firm in who you are and that your no should be no and your yes should mean yes and you should feel good about both.

I have also learned that a good method to use is practice saying your no or if you don’t want to say no immediately, come up with your go to response that allows you the time to think through if you want to do this favor or not.

For example: let me get back to you on that I am not sure what I have going on right now or how soon do you need to know by.

Another good idea is to practice a method for urgent responses:  That’s such a short notice let me get back to you.

Hopefully these help,

I am still a work in progress and I am getting better but part of defining who you are is knowing what you are willing and not willing to compromise on.

 

Ri Wyatt

The Daily Column

Why Self-Discovery Can Help you Break Repeated Cycles

Why Self-Discovery Can Help you Break Repeated Cycles

First and foremost let me just be real. Organizing my finances has been a struggle for me since the dawn of time. Ever since I was a youngin I seen the hardships that my mother faced trying to care for us. When I got old enough to start babysitting to earn a little money here and there I could hold on to it for a minute but then I would soon have to share it to help with the family. It wasn’t much but ten or twenty dollars can help when you have zero. I remember there being such a frustration around money and always being told I couldn’t do an activity at school because there was no money, so eventually I just stopped asking.

The lack of resources or money created an embedded effect that showed up later in my life. We were always robbing Peter to pay Paul which is a pattern I picked up and later landed me in Jail. Luckily the 3 times that happened… Yes 3 time (hangs head) I was able to pay the bad check and be released immediately. I could spend money easily on others but when it comes to me I have a hard time spending money on myself. I never learned to properly “budget” if that is such a thing and I never looked at money as a “value” or as a “positive resource” until I got sick and tired being sick and tired.

Once I got to that point I started researching the web, watching youtube videos and having discussions. I also started listening to Suzie Orman and Dave Ramsey. I am literally one of those people that will get a good bonus check and it’s gone before the end of the month or by the next month because I am catching up on bills or spending it on stupid stuff. I AM SO OVER IT!

The blessing is that there is a tone of research that has gone into understanding the biological mindset, the genetic makeup and the social and social economic insights regarding why finances can be more of a hardship to some than others.

Through these studies, thought leaders and authors I have learned I have to change my relationship with money, how I connect with it and change the way I value it.  It has been a difficult and slow process but I am grateful to have a better understanding of it. I have also learned how my past experience and what has been embedded in me unintentionally has affected the way I value money and understand the hardship that I face when spending money on myself. I regrettable have transmuted some of these beliefs to my young men and I am working to correct that now.

I am also working to change this cycle of ongoing struggle and hardship with money with never having enough. Some things are preventable and somethings are not preventable but there is always an option to refine and save.

One of the lessons that I have learned from Dave Ramsey, Suzie Orman, and Kate Northrup is that you have to know your numbers. You have to know where you stand. The other thing that I learned was from Bishop Td Jakes is that you have it, you just may have to move something things around or eliminate it and that giving is a big component of “sowing.”

I am still working to break the repeated cycle of lack. My bank account is constantly negative and I give money and spend money when I should either be saying no or asking myself is this something I value. I am also working to build my income. That is the other thing I learned is that when you are working for someone else you will never be-able to reach your full income potential because you are capped or limited to your earning potential (and forgive me because I forgot who I learned that from but it is certainly good advice).

With knowing all of the information I have learned, it is now time to regroup and put it together. I have to know my numbers, use my vision statement that I created when taking a webinar for Smart Cookies, create a plan to pull myself out of this state of lack, understand what I truly value and don’t, say no and more importantly, stay focused!!!!

 

Hope this has helped someone know that if you are dealing with a similar struggle you are not alone.

Ri Wyatt

The Daily Column

Mundane is Mundane does?

Mundane is as Mundane does?

Have you ever felt like your life is obsolete? That nothing important ever really happens, or everything tragic seems to happen at once or is it simply the same ole same ole? Well I got news for you and hopefully you consider it great news. Its time to get on a path of rediscovery. The odds are, is that you have time within your day to start making some adjustments and if you feel like you don’t than that means it is time for you to re-adjust your lens.

If your schedule looks like this: Wake Up, Shower, Eat, Get the kids ready, get myself ready, drive, work, work drags, leave work, drive, play taxi cab, run errands, get home, eat, get a shower, go to sleep. Next morning… it starts all over again. It is time for you to …WAKE UP! You are not living!

There is time for enjoyment, there is time for yourself, and there is time to have some fun! Life isn’t meant to be a bowl of wheat bran dried up corn flakes, it is supposed to be about engagement. Even if you truly feel like there is no room in your schedule to change your routine, find enjoyment in those mundane moments.

Get goofy with the kids, put them to bed early and take you a relaxing bath, or have some cuddle time with your significant other. Make a dish you normally wouldn’t cook and turn on some music. Instead of going to the grocery store for the 3^rd time this week, cook what’s in the fridge and use that extra time to build on some of your business ideas.

You can’t just keep going on like a robot, day in and day out doing the same ole boring thing. Life is passing you by. Its time to grab on to the ropes of life and start swinging. Even if you start out slow, eventually, if you keep pumping at it, you will progress. Your happiness will increase and life will soon start feeling more enjoyable.

You don’t have to be a planner but if you find yourself stuck, use your cell phone calendar to start planning out some fun things you can do to break the habits of living the mundane life. Life happens, hurts happen, struggles happen but how you deal with it, process all those things and live in the moment is completely up to you.

 

Ri Wyatt

The Daily Column

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

People act like when there is time to make a change that it should be easy. Quit your job, move, start your business, travel, and so on and so on…. One of the challenges that many of us face is first and foremost resistance and 2ndly change can be scary.  When there is time to make a change you feel it. You feel it in your bones, you feel it in your soul, yet most of us don’t do it! We hold back hoping something will push us. It’s inevitable that in order to grow and become your best self you have to evolve in your way of thinking and the actions you take. I can’t tell you that your decisions won’t have some sort of side effect but what’s the point of just existing if you are simply existing just to maintain.

There is a 50% chance the outcome will be better for you and with those odds any change you decide to take is certainly worth the risk. You decide what your plan of execution is and in the words of Steve Harvey “JUMP.”

There are so many things holding us back in life, as for myself I can be a testament to that but the biggest person holding me back is myself. God created us All to impact the world in a great way. I don’t know what your calling is but I do know if you are unhappy and feeling like you gotta do something else, know that you are so worth the risk! The kids may have to eat rice and noodles (j/k) but not (j/k), you may have to give up a Starbucks coffee or 2, you may have to lose an hour of sleep or 2 to dedicate time and energy to work towards developing your dream goal.

The truth is that most of us won’t just jump! In my heart of hearts I wish we would because I feel like that uncertainty will trigger an emotion in side you that is backed up by a sense of urgency, and there will be a knowing inside of you that failing is not an option. But if “jumping” is super scary for you than join the many others by at least starting the process of planning.  Figure out what you need to do to get to where you need to be and plan. Remember – steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, so Pray, ACT, DO!

Ps. If you have no clue what it is you are supposed to be doing then you are probably one of the those people that need to JUMP! You will figure it out!

 

Ri Wyatt

The Daily Column

Image courtesy of:financialjuneteenth.com